Have you ever felt that you burden someone? Or your bringing them down? Last night Casey and I went to a crawfish boil at one of my dearest friends house. We were all talking about if she had twins she would give me one. It was all in good fun, but Casey made the comment, "hey it's cheaper than adoption." I know that sweet man didn't mean a bad thing by it, just in my emotional, hormonal stage, I started crying.... Just another break down moment in front of a group of people. It just made me think how one day when we get married and start our adoption journey, because of me, I will put a financial burden on him with adoption. He has been my rock, my absolute rock throughout all this, it's just hard because I know I will never be able to give that man a baby. I often ask myself does it bother him? Do men want their own, even a small portion of how we thrive and pray for a baby? I ask and he continually says, I want you, your healthy, that's all that matters to me. Yes, he is amazing.....
We got home last night, and were watching a movie and I lost it. I crawled in a ball and cried for 2 hours, crying so hysterically I couldn't breathe. Have you ever felt so lost, so sad, and there is nothing you can do to control it? That's how I felt.... So I closed my eyes and I prayed....
Why do we question Gods plan? Why can't we just trust he has this, his plan is so much bigger for us then we had planned for ourselves. I have been finding myself getting so upset when teens are getting pregnant, women who pray they don't get pregnant are getting pregnant. Why? Why is this happening but one day I will never have a baby? Then I think... I was chosen... God chose me to save a child one day... Rather than question that, I should thank him for blessing me with much more than I deserve.
I definitely promise I won't be that annoying girl who blogs everyday.... I just wanted to share those thoughts and feelings. We may never know why things happen the way they happen, but if we could just put all of our trust in God... We would find our path.
Happy Sunday ❤️
Brittany, I am sorry that you are going through this. I know that the child that gets welcomed into your home with be blessed and loved beyond their imagination. I will keep you in my prayers. I know it is so hard to not question God's plan at times. I think that is normal. The important thing is to keep ourselves surrounded by people we love, and to keep our eyes focused on God. You are such an amazing person. I am blessed to know you! I am here if you need anything.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, non of us has the complete answer.. God has chosen a path for you that is special..Kim went through much of what you are going through when she could not conceive . Then God opened a door for her by adoption, yes she wanted one of her own,but when that young one was placed in her arms she said she gave birth in her heart at that moment. I don't know the answers, but if God has a child picked out for you to raise, the financial burden becomes easy. I guess He just takes care of such things..Believe this there is a plan, just give God a chance to let you see it. Relax and believe dear sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteYour second-to-last paragraph brought tears to my eyes, Brittany!
ReplyDeleteI wonder the same thing at times. I don't talk about it much but I'm not sure I can have kids either. I have never prevented it but have never gotten pregnant either. I used to wonder about it and pray about it then God brought Brogan to my house in the middle of the night with only the clothes on his back. At that moment I knew God was showing me his plan. I can't imagine life without him. I don't know what it's like to love a child that has my blood running through it's veins but I imagine it's the exact same love I have for Brogan. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but one day you will have peace.
ReplyDeleteI love your honest, sincere heart! It's okay that you questioned, it's awesome that you know you trust in the Lord and to keep going in that direction! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart!
ReplyDelete