Friends I am broken. This year has flat out sucked. Plain and simple it has sucked. I thought after surgery I would just deal with the feelings of never being able to have a baby, but the emotions are so much deeper. I ask you to not judge me and to not criticize with my blog I'm about to write. I ask you just keep me in your prayers and you embrace my honesty.
What so many of you don't know about me is my dark, emotional, mood swinging side that has surfaced since January. Why is it the person you love the most is the person you hurt the most? Casey, my sweet boyfriend and love of my life, has been my rock throughout all of this. However, he has remained silent about how hard times have been. He never knows the mood I will be in, what will make me snap, what to say, and the most heartbreaking of all... Who i am. Unfortunately right now I'm not the person he fell in love with, but he stays because he truly, deeply and completely loves me.
Hormones... I guess you can say that's what this blog is about. They are scary. Women everywhere are dealing with this awful "symptom" and it's scary!!!! It sucks! It's a disease that has taken over our body. In the last year I have dealt with feelings I never have experienced . Suicidal thoughts, no I'm not suicidal, but when your hormones get the best of you the thought goes through your mind, crying all the time, anger, feeling like you have lost control of everything and of course feeling unattached. Never did I think hormones could be such a beast. Never did I think my hormones would be the devil in my relationship. However it's real, and these feelings are real. It's crazy how one day you wake up one person and the next you wake up feeling like someone else. There are days I feel like I have no idea what happened that day because I'm so dazed and unattached. Days I feel like I live 2 different lives. In front of everyone I'm bubbly and all is good, then I get home and I'm angry, and sad and bitter. Poor Casey is right! Can you imagine living with me? Neither can I and I feel guilty all the time! So now I pray harder than I ever have before. I pray that I will fight this and I won't let this craziness ruin my life. Ladies you aren't alone! If you are feeling anything like this just know you aren't alone!! We can get through this! Our God is so much bigger than all of this and he is putting us through this because he knows we have it! So let's support and love each other. No judgement, no criticism, just pure love!
Please don't judge my blog and know that I wrote it with a humble and pure heart❤️
